The clock is running. Make the most of today. Time waits for no man.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the "present." - Alice Morse Earle

Mike's Yearly reflection: Review of my emotional , physical and mental state.

Learning to enjoy each day to it's fullest was quite a challenge this year, so many ups and downs I don't know where to begin. I guess I can stat with my emotional state. I've been all over the place emotionally throughout the year, just when I thought I'd hit a emotional plateau, I plummet into the abyss or rise above the clouds. Keeping my emotions in check has always been hard for me, something I've had to cope with for some time, when growing up I had to battle bouts of depression and to this day I still do, but having a close knit group around me definitely helps.

I've never really been able to review my emotional state cause it's my weakest. Learning to accept that those around me are going to pass away someday was such a big shock to my system when it hits close to home. Knowing this is one thing, accepting it is another. Death is a necessary(although it can be untimely) part of life, which has given me reason to make sure those around me know how much I care about them. Death does have the ability to bring people together, it showed me why I need to think about myself and those around me everyday, to be thankful that they're in my life.

My greatest gains this year were from my physical state, I managed to look way sexier than I usually do and for it I gained so much self confidence that it's borderline arrogance on my part, a bit of a drawback. I will admit that what I got out of it is much more than I had put in, right now I look "proportionate" Clothes fit me alright and while I haven't lost a lot of weight. I have more muscles to show for it! yay for muscle density!! What impresses me most is the amounts I'm lifting, what I lift now I was ever able to do a year ago, I impress myself sometimes which can be a good thing!

Mentally I've always been just above or below "normal". This year was just learning to embrace my mentality to allow my brain to roll with the punches and just let it be, allow logic and reasoning to step in when needed and allow myself to be aloof everywhere else. Take my position at work, I walk a fine line and I'm able to do it with ease, a lot of stuff rolls off my back cause I don't play politics and I don't care to coddle people cause for every adult I find, there's 10 pre-teen kids that look like adults, but seldom act like so. I've found that work me and non work me are more in sync than I thought they'd be. Which means less brain activity in having to think about how to accommodate for people who have a lack of respect for fellow co-workers or who don't understand that your job title means absolutely nothing to me. Less brain activity for Mike means more time spent on things that Mike likes.

My job is shifting to Markham and though theres still a job for me, I will not be making the move with the team. I feel like Will Smith in the last few episodes of Fresh Prince (no nostalgic reference needed, cause if you didn't watch Fresh prince you ain't cool). In a way I am glad this is happening, I had thought about quitting for some time but kept the status quo for financial stability, with the move it's given me this opportunity to explore what is really out there maybe go back to school, travel for a bit, or hit the gym really hard and carve out a sexy Jason Statham Body? all of those sound really good to me, but for now I'll be in this cubicle till the end of April. Till then keep safe have a Happy New Year and tell those around you that you love them!

-Mikey

I must admit I can't explain

Any of these thoughts racing through my brain - The Black keys

I've been stationary and moving at the same time, I've got this feeling of stop motion going on and I don't know if it will continue or just keep going, each time I move I find myself frozen wanting to soak up each moment and continue onto the next. Writing my own story has been an amazing experience thus far, I've been writing from the heart which would explain why majority of what I write doesn't really make sense to anyone other than myself, but I don't write for those to read, I write for myself.

Lately this period of my life has been really interesting, the more I find myself detaching from those around me the more I am drawn to them, like a moth to the flame. For me this is good and bad. A lot of my friends have lives of their own right now, some are getting married, some are having kids, some are getting divorced and some are going back to school. As for me I don't know where I am right now and I am fine with that, I am fine with the way things are at this moment. There was a period of time when I was told in a very honest way an assessment of myself, someone I valued very much decided to let me have it, to say a person can be totally honest with you and just exit your life is very sad and in a way a very good learning tool, a piece of this truth hit me in the gut: "You are also too concerned with the destination rather than the journey of what you want to be and how you want to be as a person. In order to grow and mature into the man you want to be, that takes life experiences and taking something, assessing it and do it differently" I knew right there. Immediately I threw away any credibility in myself, in where I was going and what I wanted to project to the people I loved, cherished and valued. I started from scratch, it was refreshing as people thought something was wrong with me, I really began to help myself and in turn helped others, it's been an awesome experience so far, I will build off this and enjoy each moment

Save the Last Dance for me.

So darlin' save the last dance for me - Michael Buble


I have this nagging feeling that I'm meant for more things than what I am doing right now, it's an urge that needs to be filled, I don't know what it is? Ambition maybe? the want and need to be free from the shackles of a 9-5, I want to experience the world as it is, I want to LIVE instead of existing. I've been asking myself how I can accomplish this, whether it be from investing in myself to take more school, or just pay off all my debts and take a one way ticket somewhere and see if I can make it? it all sounds surreal, but very very real.


At this point I am going to look into my options and what is available to me, working abroad seems like so much fun, although I'll have to get some documents to get it done, it's the experience I am after, maybe I'll quit my job and travel Europe for a few months? I'm certainly not thinking straight and I know I had to get this down on some sort of writing cause I haven't been thinking clearly the past few weeks.

Maybe a clearing of my head to clear the cobwebs? or something more. Each day I walk into the office I find myself thinking of ways to liven my day up, I no longer take joy in doing things that made work fun, the best part of working a 9-5 for me is the drive to and from work, just driving with some good tunes and my thoughts gives me peace to get to the next day, am I growing up? or am i just being childish in wanting to be completely left in silence? maybe on some level subconsciously I feel very misunderstood? in the comics all the Hulk wanted was to be left alone. I find myself wanting this as well, I find that those around me are just a constant noise that clouds my judgement, or sways me in a direction that I don't want to point.

When I am alone I take peace in the facts that I have arrived at are my own, I take peace in knowing that I have nobody to please other than myself, I take peace that knowing that everyone I meet is attempting to meet the expectations of those around them, instead of meeting the expectations of themselves.

I wonder where this sense of wanting to be alone comes from, is it the queue of greatness? or just a way of telling myself that I don't need anything else? So many questions, and each day is a day wasted in trying to find answers.

With silver hair, a ragged shirt and baggy pants, the old soft shoe.

He jumped so high, jumped so high, then he lightly touched down. - Sammy Davis Jr.

I've been in a very good place since 2010 arrived. My head is feeling less like a weight more like a bobble head, things are going my way and the obstacles in my way are so insignificant that I give them no value to my present state of mind.

I finished my round of p90x and I am satisfied with the results, I am happy with what I've accomplished. I am very happy with what I've achieved, I am much more fit than I was 3 months ago, I can lift more and I'm more in tune with what my body can handle, overall a good program not without it's flaws, towards the end I was feeling burnt out and just wanted to get it finished. I used resistance bands instead of weights which somewhat stunted my gains in the muscle growth department. My bands look like they are about to snap, so I did something right. My assessment from strength comes from going back to the gym with my trainer, I am only about 10-15 pounds behind on some exercises, I managed to out plank him the other day it was a small victory, I'm getting back into the routine of going to the gym again, this should be fun.

I've been looking at life from a perspective that's not unique by any standards, I'm just more vocal about what I see, say what's on my mind and filter out anything that I hear that does not add value to myself. at the end of the day I am left with the feeling that I know I'm capable of more, just trying to determine what "more" is. I could argue that it doesn't matter what more is, as long as it's something I haven't done, a skill that I haven't picked up just yet.

They say "a drunk mans words are a sober's mans thoughts" I ask myself why is that? why do you need to be drinking to use it as an excuse? it's a silly notion that you need to justify your actions by using alcohol as an excuse. we're adults and responsible for the decisions we make. Why not make a fool of yourself sober and learn something from it? Meeting people has turned into a way to find out how awesome people are, elevate their awesomeness and be as awesome as they can be. You can't be awesome till you believe you are!

It's nine o'clock on a Saturday, the regular crowd shuffles in

There's an old man sitting next to me,makin' love to his tonic and gin - Billy joel

I'm at this point where I can begin trimming the excess fat from my life, friends, negativity or just stuff lying around, I've been working on simplifying everything, at the same time enjoying everything around me and enjoy it with people I love. I've made the adjustment to being alone, not lonely(those are 2 very different things). I've been working really hard to get where I want to be, not just floating by. I've been looking at those around me that are getting married, dropping weight, or looking for their "soulmate" or just enjoying life and some of that stuff doesn't interest me right now. My parents hound me about being older and trying to find a "wife" or some sort of female companion I just ignore the requests to pry into my life that doesn't really concern them. I am pushing ahead with what I want to do and right now it's simplifying everything.

I was at a surprise party for a buddy from high school who is going into the armed forces. I knew everyone there but I didn't really KNOW any of them and interacting with them was like watching a movie I've watched many times before. I knew when to when to laugh, when to cry, when to joke and how it's going to end. Watching the festivities was a sight I hadn't seen in a while and getting use to the idea of trying to fit in again made me indifferent to the scenario. They were being themselves and I loved all of them for it, seeing their faces and hearing familiar sounds makes for a very loud crowd and a rowdy bunch, I wouldn't have it any other way.

To those who've asked me, I've been seeing this guy for a month, his names Tony and he's so awesome. I'm talking about p90x's Tony Horton. I just began the second phase of p90x and I'm happy so far, pushing myself is very exhausting but a lot of fun. I have noticed gains in flexibility, strength and endurance. I'm pretty excited to see how the next 60 days goes. When I go to the gym now people stare at the type of workouts I'm doing, cause it's not the standard workout with just resistance training there's instances where I use my own body weight after I'm gassed, and just pushing up those 1 or two reps seems like I'm attempting to move the world. The feeling is amazing knowing that I've pushed myself so hard when I can't lift my arms or legs.

I can't believe the first 3 months of 2010 are over already, it seems like it was yesterday I was ringing in the new year with family and friends with party streamers and copious amounts of food, ahh how time flies...

I'm working on drawing a straight line

And I'll draw until I get one right - Frightened Rabbit

The new year is just being broken in and I'm still in that awesome place since I've returned from Cuba. Still selfish yet aware that life around me is moving forward, that's something I must do if I want to make the most of my time left. I've begun putting my personal plan into motion and using all the tools at my disposal, locking down my finances, keeping a cleaner home space and listening to my gut more, having intense workouts x2 a day. I've always known the quality of my friends is much more efficient to me than the quantity, in return I've been a better friend and become more self assured in things. If I'm wrong I can live with that cause it's a decision I've made on my own, nobody can take that away from me.

My work term is closing down and there's a lot of stuff I've learned about working in a big company, some good and some bad, but overall a great learning experience. One of the most fundamental things I've learned about working for a big company is that you're a byproduct of your environment, and once something changes and you can't cope you have to options, change yourself or change your environment. Now I use to think I could change my environment to fit me, what I learned was that I can't change my environment without changing myself. This would require more work than I anticipated, changing yourself is a lot harder than just saying your going to do it. You have to believe it, breathe it and be it. The first few weeks were not awesome to say the least. I learned to cope with everything and understand that life goes on with or without me and being a cog in the company machine makes me replaceable. The sooner I understood that, the easier it was for me to be detached from my job.

Now when I say detached, I mean that, I'm not lazy by any means, I'm good at my job hell I'd even say I'm great at it, I just don't want my job running my life. I've seen it so many times that it sickens me to think about putting my job before my happiness or my family. People slaving away at their job when all that matters are the ones waiting for you at home, wife, husband, kids, dog, cats, fish. As much as you can hate your job, you can never hate going home, it's your own private getaway from everything and to top it off you've got someone to spend it with, what a thought huh?

Another learning tool I've learned is about honesty. I almost think it get's lost when you work in a big company since everyone is trying to play the politics game and move up. I am more honest than most people, since everyone is an adult, I like to treat them that way. I may come off as being rude or ignorant but that's an opinion your allowed to have you're human aren't you? being honest with yourself shows character, transfer that to being honest with others and it shows integrity and people can respect that, you don't have to beat around the bush, just say whats on your mind, people can respect that and if they can't they aren't worth your time.

I've learned to respect anyone I meet, that amount diminishes or increases depending on the amount I earn. I don't care if you're the V.P. of the division or the custodian, you're going to get the same amount of respect from me until I'm shown otherwise. Respect is earned not given. Earn it and you'll reap the benefits.

I've taken what I've learned about big company life and have been applying it to everyday life for a while now, I must say it's been pretty good. Work mike+regular mike are just about the same person, a "Fusion"(hehe dragonball reference) of sorts and I like it.

I'd say I have a good foundation for building off of. I look to build off of this.