Things I don't understand

I love this life, I really do. Not just the one month where everyone fakes it and acts accordingly to what they see in front of them. I am learning to truly love my life and appreciate it for what it is, using what stepping stones I have to get to where I want to go.

I have so much to be thankful for this year as this was a transition for me, I took very small steps to become an adult and I liked it. I transitioned into a better person by not living at home. I appreciated the little things much more than I ever did, things like a hot meal and laundry amongst a whole list of things which I took for granted when I lived at home, I can't compare how awesome it was to go home and have a home cooked meal, things such as leftovers I took for granted. The small steps I took to adulthood made me realize that hanging out with my parents is pretty awesome.

It was nearing the end of march and I had just taken on this project which I was not sure I was going to pull through and I was explaining this to my parents because I had serious doubts to whether I could pull this thing off, I remember my dad telling me I should have no problems with the technical side but the scheduling side, as I was a horrible organizer. This was something he had noticed when I was worked with him, I could always complete a job but but I was so unorganized that I never really knew when I had the job done! This was something I was determined to finish and behold a few weeks later I finished this project with a few bumps and bruises, but the sense of accomplishment is something I had earned and something I had not looked forward to till the project was over. My parents have always been supportive of me and never wanted me to repeat their failed efforts at success, but somewhere they saw that making mistakes is a part of growing up and as long as the mistake was not catastrophic I would learn from it.

The amazing highs would not be complete with some lows, and I hit some lows. I had come to see how lonely it could be when you live by yourself. It was something I had admired about myself when I was younger. I had always liked being alone, but this was borderline confinement. So I took it upon myself to make friends with some people. The hybrids that lived here and would be excellent friends to make, unfortunately for me I had not seen the error in my ways and when things took a turn for the worse, so did our friendship, something I take the blame with my inability to see how friendships work, it's a 2 way street, if you're only walking one way it's best you stop to see if your paths will cross, and so far they haven't. I'm a bit saddened by it but overall I am glad for the friendship I have with them even if it's at arms length. Whenever I meet a girl now I remember all the awesome things they've taught me about the opposite sex by just being themselves.

Another other low I had dealt with was framing. I had made attempts to break the frame for years, looking back it began in elementary and lasted till this year, being able to break or put a crack in the frame was a huge step for me, some of the frames I broke did not sit to well with a few people and some loved me more because of it. The frames are coming down slowly, I could not have asked for more (well I could but that would be greedy.)

Even with the lows, I had amazing highs!! watching every movie imaginable over the summer was a highlight for me, you name it this summer I watched it!! my movie buddy is so awesome.
I did the Mitsubishi City Chase which was spectacular, even if I was dragged kicking and screaming, but I got a sense of what it was to push myself past my physical and mental limits even if it was all for fun.

I managed to sort through my fear of being fatter than I am, by exercising. increasing my confidence level and having my ego fed in small doses does wonders for confidence and appearance. I began using a word that describes what I am, that word is "awesome". The word itself is so versatile that you can use it in ANY context you choose. give it a try and you'll see how application can stimulate perception. Even when you look silly doing it.


I can see nothing but an awesome year for me in 2009, spreading awesome leads you to awesome.

Jai Ho

My mind works in mysterious ways, sometimes I come to conclusions that are so obvious but ignore them to look deeper. There’s snow on the ground and feeling of Christmas is in the air, yet I rarely see this amongst my fellow humans, it saddens me to see as such, but to view them any different is just a reflection of myself, and frankly I need work.

The year has been no exception, I have learned a lot about myself. Some will say it is a blessing in disguise others will say it is a fools way of thinking and I respect their opinion as they are entitled to it. Lessons in humbleness, humility, assertiveness, passion, friendship, relationship, anger and love are some of the areas which I explored at some point over the course of this year. I am truly thankful for those who have taught me these lessons. I find myself surrounded with people I deeply care for and in return deeply care for me, my family has been a great help in ways they will never know, I appreciate them more than words can express.

The few friends I’ve made along the way are nothing short of fantastic, I never want them to change. Today was a great example of that, I did some shopping and it did not go well. I was left feeling not as awesome as I usually feel. I could have been quite cold and mean which is a very immature reaction. I decided to just go elsewhere and rethink about why I was not feeling so awesome. After some tea and a good pep-talk, I realized that it was something about me that made me feel this way, After making peace with this, I explained during dinner that they are not at fault for this and I do not want them to change, the last thing I want to do is make someone feel bad for being themselves, that is not my definition of awesome. The ride home was blast, and all I needed was a lesson I forgot, friendship 101.

The few I keep close to me are my lifeline. That is the U.N. They know who they are and they don’t need an introduction, they are my definition of awesome, I am grateful for having them in my life. They are the only people who are deserving of my time when I don’t have any to give. They’ve been there for me when it mattered most, nuff said.


I am optimistic for the New Year and expect more changes to take place internally, externally, mentally and physically.

Jai Ho indeed!

Elevator Beat.

Today is My birthday, but it doesn't feel like it. I have received a wonderful gifts from those I surround myself with. Well wishes and dates to catch up and bar appearances I have declined. Today is my special day and I could not think of a way to spend it than with the ones I love. Thanks to all of those who expressed my birth today.

Right now I have this sense of calming that no matter what happens everything will be alright, no matter what I do it will all work out. I keep telling myself "sustain this feeling Mike, Sustain this feeling."