I pretty much try to stay in a constant state of confusion...

I pretty much try to stay in a constant state of confusion just because of the expression it leaves on my face. - Johnny Depp

Summer just zoomed by without as much as a hello, I remember thinking how hot and sticky it was going to get. Now it's almost over and I am going to miss it. The end of summer is near and I'm progressing? or staying the course? I don't know and frankly right about now I don't care.

I haven't seen anyone noteworthy over the summer because I have been keeping to myself. The lack of summer movies helps keep the money in my bank and keeping to myself keeps me grounded for now. Daily exercise and spending time with the ones I Cherish is a real treat for me.

Up to now I've been in a really good place, but the past month has been anything but, to be fair I think it's the law of averages or something because everything I've done to remedy this has just spiraled me down the rabbit hole even more. I find myself looking at they skies wondering how far down the hole I must go before I can return to the surface and my happy place, because right now I feel like Alice, only this isn't wonderland it's anything but. Each time I feel like I am falling deeper and deeper. I make sure to take deep breaths and look around for something to distract me from this free fall, right now it's going to the gym and seeing my family, those two things alone keep my sanity in check. I fear what happens if I lose one, or god forbid both. Each time I leave the gym or see my family I don't think about this hole I've got myself into or how long it will take for me to reach the surface, I think happy things like the girl whose in my dream.

This girl, I can't see her face cause it's always blurry and I can't hear her voice cause it sounds simlish (if you've ever played "the sims" you know what I mean) but it's definitely female. Sometimes during the dream we're in the courting stages going on dates, but other times we show signs of a couple whose been together for years, the body language shows that she's very comfortable with me, and laughs at my shortcomings. Another give-away is that we're eating dinner at my parents place which tells me she's a very important person in my life if she's met my parents, but it bugs me that I can't see her face. When I wake from the dream I am happy knowing that somewhere my sub-conscious picks me up when I am down or maybe it's trying to tell me something??

Now I am stuck in this state of confusion, should I try to dig my heels in and climb out knowing that my efforts just add depth or do I wait till I hit the ground to start my decent back up the rabbit hole?