Things I don't understand

I love this life, I really do. Not just the one month where everyone fakes it and acts accordingly to what they see in front of them. I am learning to truly love my life and appreciate it for what it is, using what stepping stones I have to get to where I want to go.

I have so much to be thankful for this year as this was a transition for me, I took very small steps to become an adult and I liked it. I transitioned into a better person by not living at home. I appreciated the little things much more than I ever did, things like a hot meal and laundry amongst a whole list of things which I took for granted when I lived at home, I can't compare how awesome it was to go home and have a home cooked meal, things such as leftovers I took for granted. The small steps I took to adulthood made me realize that hanging out with my parents is pretty awesome.

It was nearing the end of march and I had just taken on this project which I was not sure I was going to pull through and I was explaining this to my parents because I had serious doubts to whether I could pull this thing off, I remember my dad telling me I should have no problems with the technical side but the scheduling side, as I was a horrible organizer. This was something he had noticed when I was worked with him, I could always complete a job but but I was so unorganized that I never really knew when I had the job done! This was something I was determined to finish and behold a few weeks later I finished this project with a few bumps and bruises, but the sense of accomplishment is something I had earned and something I had not looked forward to till the project was over. My parents have always been supportive of me and never wanted me to repeat their failed efforts at success, but somewhere they saw that making mistakes is a part of growing up and as long as the mistake was not catastrophic I would learn from it.

The amazing highs would not be complete with some lows, and I hit some lows. I had come to see how lonely it could be when you live by yourself. It was something I had admired about myself when I was younger. I had always liked being alone, but this was borderline confinement. So I took it upon myself to make friends with some people. The hybrids that lived here and would be excellent friends to make, unfortunately for me I had not seen the error in my ways and when things took a turn for the worse, so did our friendship, something I take the blame with my inability to see how friendships work, it's a 2 way street, if you're only walking one way it's best you stop to see if your paths will cross, and so far they haven't. I'm a bit saddened by it but overall I am glad for the friendship I have with them even if it's at arms length. Whenever I meet a girl now I remember all the awesome things they've taught me about the opposite sex by just being themselves.

Another other low I had dealt with was framing. I had made attempts to break the frame for years, looking back it began in elementary and lasted till this year, being able to break or put a crack in the frame was a huge step for me, some of the frames I broke did not sit to well with a few people and some loved me more because of it. The frames are coming down slowly, I could not have asked for more (well I could but that would be greedy.)

Even with the lows, I had amazing highs!! watching every movie imaginable over the summer was a highlight for me, you name it this summer I watched it!! my movie buddy is so awesome.
I did the Mitsubishi City Chase which was spectacular, even if I was dragged kicking and screaming, but I got a sense of what it was to push myself past my physical and mental limits even if it was all for fun.

I managed to sort through my fear of being fatter than I am, by exercising. increasing my confidence level and having my ego fed in small doses does wonders for confidence and appearance. I began using a word that describes what I am, that word is "awesome". The word itself is so versatile that you can use it in ANY context you choose. give it a try and you'll see how application can stimulate perception. Even when you look silly doing it.


I can see nothing but an awesome year for me in 2009, spreading awesome leads you to awesome.